Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
