the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
