is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Non-Jews are for practice
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
