we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
