My nipple is on Facebook.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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