So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
