I'm gonna have a badass scar
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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