I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
