i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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