Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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