What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
