Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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