question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
