I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
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N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
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So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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