I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
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