I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
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