i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
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i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
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I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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