im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
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In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
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Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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