You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
