Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
