Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
