we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
