I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
