ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
