i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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