I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
