I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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