8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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