It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
