Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
