yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
