if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
