I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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