I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
