so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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