I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
