Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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