My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
