ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
