I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
