You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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