you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
