I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
