Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
How does one acquire holy water?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
