im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
