Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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