Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
