and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
