Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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