you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
