never play flip cup with pint glasses
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
