I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Randomize
