i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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