Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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