i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
