You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
