You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
