I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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