wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
