chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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