I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
