just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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