i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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