the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
