im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
