Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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