I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you had me at cake vodka
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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