I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
