The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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