i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Operation Purity has been aborted
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
