on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
